You never know...

So what do you do after an accident such as mine?  You have lots of options; You can set around feeling sorry for yourself, you can give up or fight with the challenges and obstacles you face everyday.  I try not to feel sorry for my self,however, I have my days.  Anybody would. Theres not a day I dont have some sort of challenge.  I drop things, ALOT.  Very frustrating since I cant pick em up.  It could be something such as my phone or my drink. If my phone goes down, its just stuck and I have to remember not to drive over it.  If my drink is dropped hopefully the lid will keep it from going all over the place.  Ive found certain cups with spill proof lids and straws.  They usually dont spill too bad.
Those are challenges I just deal with.  The hard thing for me is being stuck in the house. I cant leave my house by myself because Im not able to shut the door behind me. So when its nice I cant even go for a walk. I can go out on the back porch to get some fresh air but thats not the same. Reading a book, easy right.  Well, I can barely turn the pages and then I can sometimes get the book marker on the right page. Sometimes pages stick or it goes back to the beginning w/out holding my spot. Very frustrating.
Eating, im lucky to be able to feed myself as long as I can eat it with a fork or spoon but im still messy.  I cant chow down on a burger, tacos, or other finger foods.  Luckily sometimes Troy will feed them to me.  I cant stand to be fed though so its only occasional.  I have learned to eat chips and salsa with a fork, its kind of impressive..lol...  I can hold my Subway subs but its pretty messy.  All eating is messy now. 
I can put my make up on now.  Well all but my eye liner.  Im gonna start practising it tho.  I think I could do it with practise.  Im so bad at procrastinating with things I know would make me fill better, I just take the easy way out. I can use the remote now!  But its a dropping hazard. When that drops it sucks because im stuck with whats on.  I can brush my own teeth thank goodness.  It is no fun having someone brushing them for you.

In the beginning there was nothing I could do because my arm wouldn't move.  They just kinda flopped around. Everything had to be done.  I couldn't even scratch my head. I had a trachea for 2 months and couldn't talk.  People learned to read my lips but thats frustrating because sometimes its hard to understand me. I have gone from my worse nightmare to a daze.  In November it will be 5 years, I think I've adjusted ok.  One thing thats hard is I cant dance anymore.  I was always dancing and just had fun, now its totally different. I just watch and remember.
I think the healing process takes you through different stages. Just like the grieving process.  At first its unreal and seems like a bad dream. you keep telling yourself its not real.  Then theres the outbursts of anger and hatred.  Sometimes I'll be fine then next thing im about to scream because something didnt go smoothly or how i'd liked it to go. Unfortunately theres no bargaining for me because theres nothing to bargain, I know it wont change.  I cant even blame anyone but myself. That doesn't help...
I think thats my life now, just a daze.. I just try to make it through the day.  I never thought my life would turn out like this, I just have to make arrangements for things to be easier.
Im home by myself for 2-3hrs everyday and thats my time to reflect on whats going on.  Im home everyday and usually use that time for facebook or e-bay.  I try to stay disconnected and ride t out....  Im in this funk and need to get out of it somehow, I think its the weather tho. Thats my thought.  Ive told myself I need to smile more, get out as often as I can and surround myself with positive people.
I think I've adjusted well, I could be worse..lol  Thanks for reading my thoughts, thats kinda scary..lol