I'm not perfect, and I know that. But growing up and being a teenager was hard for me. I didn't know my biological dad. And me and my stepdad did not get along, we never did. My mom and I were not very close, because I always seemed to be in trouble and could never do anything right. I wasn't a bad kid but for some reason my parents always thought I was doing things I shouldn't. There's no doubt I did do some things that I shouldn't have but isn't that part of growing up. Isn't that how you learn. Isn't that how you develop your personality and who you become.
So the first time I drank alcohol I was 14. But I didn't get drunk and I didn't do it all the time. First time I had sex I was used, and I didn't have sex again for a long time. I never snuck out of the house. There were a couple times I told my parents I would be at my friend's house and I went to a party. There were a couple times I was supposed to go to one friends house and went to another's instead. After track meets I would go drive around with my boyfriend and come home a couple hours later. There were times I was late for my curfew and lied about it. There are couple times I drove my car when I wasn't supposed to. Despite all of this I was very spoiled, materialisticly. I got whatever I wanted except a little freedom.
I just wanted to be a teenager and have a little fun. Like I said I know I'm not perfect but for one I can't change it now. I can't go back in the past and fix what I did. I can't go back and change some of the decisions I've made. I can't go back and fix everything I did wrong. Believe me if anybody knows that it's me....
Because I am paying for the rest of my life for one wrong decision.
I know now that I drink too much, and was sometimes irresponsible in my actions.I should've never done some of the things that I did or for the reasons that I did. I know I've acted crazy and reckless and wild and disappointed my family and myself.
My boyfriend and I only argued because of my drinking. I had to drink every day. I had to drink on my way home from school. I had to drink on the way home from work. I would hide alcohol. I drink before work sometimes. I was late for work several times because I was drunk and didn't wake up. I drove after I drank. I drove Buzzed. I drove trashed. I drove sometimes and didn't remember it. Every time I drink alcohol I would blackout. Every time I would drink alcohol I would throw up. Troy saw this as problem. And I didn't......
So the first time I drank alcohol I was 14. But I didn't get drunk and I didn't do it all the time. First time I had sex I was used, and I didn't have sex again for a long time. I never snuck out of the house. There were a couple times I told my parents I would be at my friend's house and I went to a party. There were a couple times I was supposed to go to one friends house and went to another's instead. After track meets I would go drive around with my boyfriend and come home a couple hours later. There were times I was late for my curfew and lied about it. There are couple times I drove my car when I wasn't supposed to. Despite all of this I was very spoiled, materialisticly. I got whatever I wanted except a little freedom.
I just wanted to be a teenager and have a little fun. Like I said I know I'm not perfect but for one I can't change it now. I can't go back in the past and fix what I did. I can't go back and change some of the decisions I've made. I can't go back and fix everything I did wrong. Believe me if anybody knows that it's me....
Because I am paying for the rest of my life for one wrong decision.
I know now that I drink too much, and was sometimes irresponsible in my actions.I should've never done some of the things that I did or for the reasons that I did. I know I've acted crazy and reckless and wild and disappointed my family and myself.
My boyfriend and I only argued because of my drinking. I had to drink every day. I had to drink on my way home from school. I had to drink on the way home from work. I would hide alcohol. I drink before work sometimes. I was late for work several times because I was drunk and didn't wake up. I drove after I drank. I drove Buzzed. I drove trashed. I drove sometimes and didn't remember it. Every time I drink alcohol I would blackout. Every time I would drink alcohol I would throw up. Troy saw this as problem. And I didn't......
I had off work on a Friday, so I cleaned house and then decided to go out. This is the day of my reckoning. I wanted to do what I wanted no matter what it would cost me. After all this is why all my previous relationships had failed, Troy and I were on the verge. Because I wanted to do what I wanted when I wanted... I'm not perfect and when I get mad I say things I don't mean. When I get mad I say things I shouldn't. And when I get mad I don't think of anybody but myself.
And I'm getting off track, but once again, my mom and dad were never really there for me. They're there for me financially, that definitely help me out. I could talk to my mom but it wasnt very often that we didn't get into an argument. Me and my sister Jess were really close when we were younger but drifted apart after I moved out at 17. My grandma and I were always really close and don't know what I would do without her. I love my mom with all my heart, and I wish we could get along, but there's been so much stuff in the past that I don't know if we can get past.
After my accident my mom and dad were there for me, they didn't leave the hospital, they stayed weeks and weeks in the hospital with me every night they never left my side. They were there for me when I was hallucinating on morphine and when I thought I was going to stop breathing and when I didn't know what was going on. They were there for me before I could talk, they understood what I was saying to them, nurses had to ask them because they didn't understand. They were awesome. I will not deny that, and the people that were there know that. After my accident, initially nobody was allowed to see me. My sisters werent allowed if they were going to be upset. I didn't want to see my grandma because I didn't want her to see me like that. My biological dad showed up and they asked me if I wanted to see him which I did. I realize the extent of my condition but I don't understand why my friends weren't allowed to see me and why Troy wasnt allowed back at the hospital. I know there is a lot going on during this time. I know I wasn't really coherent all the time. I know I was scared, and I know my family was there for me.
I also know that my friends wanted to be there for me but weren't allowed to. I also know that Troy wanted to be there for me but he wasn't allowed either. After several weeks people were slowly allowed to come see me, with the exception of Troy.. Finally, I asked to see him. They called him and he came up that weekend.. I was very confused at this time because I wanted to be with him despite what I said. I knew my parents didn't like him so I wanted them to think that I thought the same. I struggled because I wanted to be with him but I didn't want to be with him like this. I didn't feel it was fair to him to be with me like this. I've tried to give him an easy out. I didn't feel I had this a choice but to go anywhere but my parents. My parents have been there through all of it and that just seemefd like where I should go. So maybe I should have said what I fetl sooner instead of going along with everybody else. But nobody knows how it feels to be scared to death to wake up every morning. I needed my friends and I needed my family. Without them I don't know what I would've done. Through all of this me and my dad became closer, me and my friends became closer, and I knew who my true friends were. Me and my mom became closer and more like friends. Me and my sisters became closer. I loved it. I was happy. I just felt something missing, and it was Troy.
I know that now, I'm happy...
Im not the same person that I used to be. Some of you wouldnt even recognize me! You'd be proud...
I'm going to stop blabbing for now, I'm a little upset so I'm not sure if that makes sense but I hope you can figure it out.
I'm sorry to those who I hurt.
And I'm getting off track, but once again, my mom and dad were never really there for me. They're there for me financially, that definitely help me out. I could talk to my mom but it wasnt very often that we didn't get into an argument. Me and my sister Jess were really close when we were younger but drifted apart after I moved out at 17. My grandma and I were always really close and don't know what I would do without her. I love my mom with all my heart, and I wish we could get along, but there's been so much stuff in the past that I don't know if we can get past.
After my accident my mom and dad were there for me, they didn't leave the hospital, they stayed weeks and weeks in the hospital with me every night they never left my side. They were there for me when I was hallucinating on morphine and when I thought I was going to stop breathing and when I didn't know what was going on. They were there for me before I could talk, they understood what I was saying to them, nurses had to ask them because they didn't understand. They were awesome. I will not deny that, and the people that were there know that. After my accident, initially nobody was allowed to see me. My sisters werent allowed if they were going to be upset. I didn't want to see my grandma because I didn't want her to see me like that. My biological dad showed up and they asked me if I wanted to see him which I did. I realize the extent of my condition but I don't understand why my friends weren't allowed to see me and why Troy wasnt allowed back at the hospital. I know there is a lot going on during this time. I know I wasn't really coherent all the time. I know I was scared, and I know my family was there for me.
I also know that my friends wanted to be there for me but weren't allowed to. I also know that Troy wanted to be there for me but he wasn't allowed either. After several weeks people were slowly allowed to come see me, with the exception of Troy.. Finally, I asked to see him. They called him and he came up that weekend.. I was very confused at this time because I wanted to be with him despite what I said. I knew my parents didn't like him so I wanted them to think that I thought the same. I struggled because I wanted to be with him but I didn't want to be with him like this. I didn't feel it was fair to him to be with me like this. I've tried to give him an easy out. I didn't feel I had this a choice but to go anywhere but my parents. My parents have been there through all of it and that just seemefd like where I should go. So maybe I should have said what I fetl sooner instead of going along with everybody else. But nobody knows how it feels to be scared to death to wake up every morning. I needed my friends and I needed my family. Without them I don't know what I would've done. Through all of this me and my dad became closer, me and my friends became closer, and I knew who my true friends were. Me and my mom became closer and more like friends. Me and my sisters became closer. I loved it. I was happy. I just felt something missing, and it was Troy.
I know that now, I'm happy...
Im not the same person that I used to be. Some of you wouldnt even recognize me! You'd be proud...
I'm going to stop blabbing for now, I'm a little upset so I'm not sure if that makes sense but I hope you can figure it out.
I'm sorry to those who I hurt.
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