We spent our Christmas Eve and Christmas on the road through Oklahoma, Texas, New Mexico and Nevada. We were on our way to Troys brothers house.  We were headed to Vegas...
Troy got the van loaded and we hit the road.  The van was packed with my manual wheelchair, power chair and shower chair along with about 20 bags.  Plus we had a big ass ramp for my chair and we had to leave some room for Dobby.  It was two days of 12 continuous hours of driving.  My job was to keep Troy company to stay awake and I accidentally fell asleep for a couple hrs.  Then we stopped when he couldnt drive any more.  But we made it to our half way point.
We got to his brothers house about 8ish.  I finally got to meet his brother and his girlfriend, Kendra. They were both very nice and even gave Troy and I our own room. We went out to eat the next day then Kendra went to pick up the kids.  When she got back she suprised Troy with his daughter.  We didnt plan on seeing her for a few days so that was cool and made Troys day.
We went to a casino for Monday Night Football, had some drinks then went and played a few slots.  Adam and Kendra were lucky but Troy and I sucked and didnt win a thing.  But it was still fun. It was a good time.
We spent our down time at the house and chilled.  I was literally chilled.  I froze at the house..lol  I tried to stay bundled to keep me warm.  Luckily Adam made a fire in the evenings so that warmed me up.,  We drove into Vegas one night went and did some shopping and then went out to eat, with the kids and us there were 8 of us.  We went to a sushi bar which made the kids day...lol  After we ate we went to Fremont St. in Vegas.  There was a light show just starting so we watched it and had perfect timing.  Then we went strolling around watching the performers and looking at the shops. I was so freezing it was starting to be hard for me to drive my chair.  Troy had to actually push me for a while.  It was a good time tho.  We got home at about 10ish and I went straight to bed, I was worn out.
Then it was time for me to meet mom and grandparents. They showed up and I wasnt as nervous as I had been.  They were pretty easy going. I think it helped I had Alyssa (Troys daughter)  there.
Grandma couldnt keep Troy and Adam straight  so they went and had shirts made to help her out...

         

This helped keep the boys straight but then she began confusing Kendra and I, it was pretty comical. Troys like Shawnas the one in the wheelchair..lol  We spent the next few days hanging with the family.  The guys cooked and we all ate then played a game of poker.  Troy was the lucky winner both nights.  It was a good time.
New years eve came and we went out to "The Nugget" a casino there in town. We just went and played some more slots.  I got lucky and turned 20 bucks into $87.00 and cashed out.  Went to where Troy adam and Kendra were, sat there for a few then decided to play my $87.00.  I put it back in the machine and played a while on it.  I played it back to $0.00... But I had fun doing it. Plus I played on $20.00 all night.  When it turned midnight there was a roaring crowd and I got to kiss my man.. It was pretty sweet.  I dont think any of us were even paying attention to the clock its amazing we were even by each other.  We didnt get home til like 2:30ish and we were like little high school kids trying to be quiet sneeking in and chowing down on left over pizza before bed. 
The next day it was time for everyone to leave and we all went out to eat and played a few slots. Of course, you cant go to a casino with out playing a few..lol  They loaded up the moms van and they were off.  We still stayed a day after they left.  We had some down time that day before we had to leave and pack up our things. 
Packing up after a week was a chore itself.  Troy loaded things up while I slept in.  Then I got up and we were ready to go by 9 o'clock.  We said our goodbyes and were on our way.  Another 2 days of driving.  I was not ready to go I really enjoyed it there and cant wait to go back.  So we were on our way.
We drove until Troy was ready to call it quits then got our room and we crashed. Got up early the next day and were back at it until we got home at about 9ish.  Our friends Bob and Jo were at our house waiting to help us unload. Everything was unloaded and it was off to bed...
Our trip was very good.  I loved it there. Troy wasnt ready to go back to work either.  Back to the real world the next day.

My sisters wedding...

On Sat Dec 10th my little sister Jessica (aka Sissy) married Matt Green. It was a cold but nice and sunny day. The wedding had been in the works since summer. My sissy asked if I wanted to be in her wedding, of course I wanted to. It was quiet the process getting my dress and preparing for the big day.
The nerves started the 9th, the night before we had rehearsal and rehearsal dinner. I am not very good when it comes to weddings because I cry everytime. Rehearsal went fine and the family was all getting along and happy. Something that was nice... I was worn out from the 4 hr drive so Troy and I left early, I knew Sat was gonna be hectick.
The day of the wedding: got up early and met everyone out in the hotel lobby. We were planning when hair was getting done, trying to figure out when to put my dress on and be at the church on time. So I got help putting my dress on and was ready for hair. I went to Kristi's room and she did my hair. She did great and it didnt take too long. So now im all ready for wedding except make-up. Before we knew it, it was time to go to the church. We followed my sister who, had to stop at her house and flew across town like a wild child. lol..
Got to church all us girls went to our room. Everyone was getting dressed, doing hair, and make-up. My sister is actually the one who put my make-up on. Stephanie tried writing her speech (that im sure she never used). Someone brought us pizza and that was awesome because we were all starving. Then it was picture time. Matt and Sissy went outside to do pics, which was crazy because it was freezing outside, fter al it was December. I was already cold and then had to go out there smiling for the pictures. The photographer took a ton of pics and I was about to die. My poor sister was frozen, her dress was a strapless and very thin, she was shivering and chattering her teeth... But shes a trooper and took amazing pics. But she is pretty amazing tho.
Wedding time: As they were escorting our gpa down the isle, little did we know, he fell face first because he tripped. Then they made him walk again bc it was too soon. Crazy, I kno. But everyone made it down then its my turn, I had a guy pushing me in my manual wheelchair and I ws terrified I might flip, but I made it as did all the other girls. Now time for the bride... she was beautiful and made it down the isle without incident. The actual wedding didnt take that long but sure enough I had tears as soon as the music started. I tried to not show the tears and think I did okay hiding them. We were done and I could breathe easy, finally. Now time for a few more pics then time for reception.
Okay, the reception was awesome and yet I spent the whole time crying, but im not sure why . I sat at the wedding party table, got food and then went to "family" table. I was kinda just a floater, roaming back and forth trying to hiidee my tears. Like I said im not sure why I was crying. I was so happy sissy was happy. She looked awesome and had a great husband... Crazy... Then the dancing started and I was a little upset because I couldnt dance, and after 5yrs you think i'd be used to it. But it was no fun for me.. Once again Im hiding tears I even had a heart to heart with my Dad. That has never happened before. I left early after telling my sister I was going, then she told me she was going to Hawii. She was suprised during there 1st dance. She was so happy and excited.
The big crazy awesome day was over, we went back to hotel and chilled with my other baby sister Lizi and her bf Jeremy. Then went to bed. Wedding day over.
Our Aunt from California was down and I got to talk to her which was great. She wants us to come visit her this summer. So thats a goal for us. I love Aunt Judy. I got to see cousins and uncles and family ive not seen in years. It was a great day for sissy and Im glad she found a great guy to be her husband. I love her so much. Chloi did awesome walking down the isle. She had just turned 1 a few days before the wedding. She is the best lil baby in the world, shes awesome. Now its Sissys turn for baby. Lizi is a great mommy and baby sister. She has her hands full with Chloi but shes doing awesome with her. Now we just have to marry Lizi off.... Im sure she'll have a great wedding and future husband...
I love my sisters more than they know.

Beautiful life.....

This picture says it all, Michelle is getting married so this was taken during her bachelorette party.  It was so much fun.  We started the day throwing her a suprise bridal shower, she diddnt suspet a thing!  We had a good time.  We all knew about the bachelorette party except Michelle of course.  We suprised her when we met at Millers for dinner, if she only knew...lol
After we ate we met and all loaded up in my van, all 11 of us, so we could all ride together, we had stools and foldingchairs inthe van.  Ok, definately not legal but a lot of fun!  We went to a bar in rolla, we had a special shirt forMichelle to wear and a sash.  She was the star of the night.
Its hard being in my powerchair because its so big and this bar was packed.  There was a guy that led the way to the front and had everyone move outta the way so I could make it.. It was really nice. We sang a few songs then decided to go out on the patio and chill.  We went out there and just sat for a few.  We took a group photo and then decided to go back in because they cleared a table for our whole group.

When we went in it was a blast.  The bartender got us our drinks and they played awesome songs.  So all the girls were dancing and singing and just enjoying themselves. It was a blast just watching.  They did get me out "dancing" in my chair!  They did a dollar dance type thing, to make Michelle some money...
We had a DD so we didnt have to worry about how to get home.  We cut loose and had a blast. It was a great night.  We didnt get home til late but it was awesome and well worth it.  I stayed in bed the whole next day. But it was all worth it. 
I do have some good friends, all those friends that have given me heartache and grief can kiss it, I have good friends.  We all got along and had a blast....... Thats all that matters!  Michelle I love you and may you be happy in life.
I went to the wedding, it was awesome and Michelle was beautiful, Jason looked pretty sharp too. The reception following was also a good time. Michelles whole wedding expierience was lots of fun  and  a great time for all.
They rented a cabin up in the mountains and im sure it was a great time. I love both of them and wish them the best of luck and a great marriage....
----ShAwNa

Life your life:

Everyday there is a struggle people face, its different for everyone. I wake up and am at the mercy of others to take care of me. They got to dress me, get me up, do my hair, and help me brush my teeth and put make up on. I cant do any of these everyday tasks without help.
I have to make the best out of a bad situation. I have to deal with the consequences of my actions for the rest of my life. So I just cope and deal with it.
I am in a situation that I know wont go away. I still want to live my life. It would be easy to lay back and say screw it. I admit that but you know what, it would be miserable. Why do that to yourself? Why not just try to make the best of it. There’s more still left to life. You may be surprised what you can still do. Yeah its not the same but you can still do it.
Threes no doubt things are different but you’ll find what works. I cant do some things I want but that’s just how it is. Sometimes I gotta leave a party early because im just not able to hang. Theres times my body doesn’t cooperate and I gotta fix whatever’s wrong with it. It can take away from the fun. Sometimes you have to find your own way of doing things. Adapting to your situation will get easier and you’ll be proud of yourself for doing these things.
Who I am now is not who I was. I was a party animal, loved to drink. I loved staying out all night. I loved being outside. I loved being around lots of people. Now most of that’s changed. I recently went on a float with some old friends, I didn’t drink, I didn’t stay out late and didn’t want a bunch of people around. Our group was awesome. We all got along and there was no drama or b.s. Just had a good time. I went to a party a while back and actually drank, and stayed up until one o’clock and was around lots of people. I enjoyed myself. Now granted I was wiped out and slept the whole next day. I just don’t have what I used to. That’s just the way it is.

There are days my lifeless body really bothers me. I get down and out and may even feel sorry for myself but it usually doesn’t last long. I get off my pity party and straighten up. It could be worse and I do know that.

Happy Fathers Day

So, my bio dad wasn’t around growing up, and my step dad and I didn’t  mesh well.  I always wondered about my real dad but never knew where he was and what he was doing.  I finally met him on my 22 birthday.  We are a lot a like, it was great meeting him and spending time with him.  We keep in touch but it can be a few months or a few weeks before we talk but its always like we’ve talked everyday.  I never really had a dad until I found my real dad.  I had my step dad the whole time my real dad was out of the picture.

I love my dad but wish I could see him more.  Its awkward now when I’m around my step dad, and it probably always will be. He expects me to treat him like a dad but he’s never treated me like a daughter.  This is how I feel and I cant help but deal with this issue.  This is my life.  I have come a long way in this journey. Now I have a dad I can talk to whenever I want to or need to and treats me like a daughter .

Happy fathers day dad…. 

ITS MORE THAN JUST A TOE PT. 2

I prepared for surgery by taking heavy doses of antibiotics 4 times a day.
I showed up the day of surgery at 11 like they asked. We had to go here, than, here, no there, no here! Aaahhh, where do we go?
We finally figured out where I was supposed to be. First thing they do is give me a gown to put on. So we did as told and put the gown on, but then they tell me I had to have to take my bra off! What, why your operating on my toe! I also had to take off all my jewelry, even in my face, why they were operating on my toe! Oh what lovely rules!
Surgery was supposed to be at 6 p.m. and wasn’t allowed to eat until after the surgery. Next thing we know its 7 o’clock, then 7:30, then 8:00, now I’m tired, hungry and grumpy. Which, if you know me is a terrible combination. Thank goodness for Troy, he was great and dealt with my bad behavior and my attitude. I was so tired that I was crying at anything. Not to mention scared about the upcoming surgery.
Finally at about 9 they came in and said they’d be coming soon for me. Now my nerves are at all time high. Poor Troy hung in there. They took me down to the pre-op room and thank goodness Troy could come. Then when it was time I tried to keep myself calm. The operating room was so bright and I was needing more meds to knock me out…. I finally went out and it was the best nap ever.
I woke up when they were wrapping my foot. Then they took me back to my room and I felt awesome, pretty relaxed. The Dr. told Troy everything went good and he’d be by my room the next day. I kept my toe! All of it. They went in to clean out the infection, the Dr. said there was plenty of good bone and he cut out the sore on my toe also, sweet. So now I have 8 stitches on my toe. Its going to be a scar the length of my toe. But im glad it all went well and I have all my parts, even if they don’t work.
So now I have to stay 5 days in the hospital hooked up to an IV, to disperse high doses of antibiotics so infection is killed and doesn’t spread. Troy slept in the room with me in a fold out chair, but it wasn’t very comfortable. We just kind of hung out because there was nothing else to do. I was pretty grumpy because I was super tired because they were in the room every two hours to take blood pressure, or turn me or take blood, there was always something. I was very tired and grumpy so Troy who was also very tired, decided he was going to go home. Which made me there all by myself for 2 days.
These last two days were filled with as much sleep I could get, which wasn’t much. I’ve never been interrupted from sleep that much in years. I couldn’t get up n my chair so I was stuck in bed anyways. Im not used to being stuck in bed because at home im up everyday unless im sick which isn’t often.
The Dr. changed my bandage and my toe looks awesome minus the 8 stitches. It looks good and that’s what’s important. Now to keep it that way….
The day I left was definitely the most stressful day for me. I was update 3 A.M. and couldn’t go back to sleep because they weren’t doing what I needed done. I kept on them but they ignored my request which made for mean Shawna showing her face. They finally got me dressed and now came the scary part, getting in my chair. I know I weight 130 but 2 people should be sufficient. They had some third lady come in a BIG third lady who just kind of threw me into the chair. It was the worse transfer ever. It amazed me that nobody knew how to transfer a quad, hello I cant stand, BTW… It was terrible.
I tried adjusting my chair and self to where I was half way comfortable. It just brought me into a worse mood, but not mad at everyone just select few..
So now im up and my ride, Jo showed up because we’d be able to leave like Dr. said but, apparently there’s no communication from the Dr and nurses.
We still had to be seen by case worker. So she comes in because we needed to set up home health for the IV treatment. Then the caseworker said id would be $65 a day for home health because the meds weren’t fully covered.. The total would’ve been 2,750 total and they wanted $560 before they could do first infusion. We just cant afford that. So my options were to stay in the hospital or drive to Houston everyday for the treatment. Luckily they arranged for me to go to the Houston hospital EVERYDAY for 38 days for antibiotic treatment.
I’m on day 8 so I still have 30 to go, we figured it would be ok, because its only a few minutes away. But going every morning is very inconvenient. it’s a pain in the butt. I have Jo that has taken me everyday but I feel bad because it takes up the whole morning. Jo’s been great to me and taken me and she has enough to worry about because she takes care of her husband. I’m hoping I can find a ride to give Jo a break. I’m working on that.
That’s what’s going on now, just busy mornings…
I’ll see you around. Thanks for reading my experiences…

It's more than a toe. Pt.1

Ok, so since my accident 4 1/2 years ago I've been relatively healthy.  Maybe a UTI or cold here or there, take antibiotics and its fine. I admit I've not been as aware of my skin and have slacked on my care.  I have ran my feet into things, slammed them in things and just ignored spots I should've.  When your in my condition you are supposed to know your body, skin and what your body is telling you.
I went to the Dr. when I got a red spot on my toe. They said it was nothing and that it would b ok. It was alright for several months. Then it kinda became a sore with scab.  I went to the Dr. they gave me antibiotics and that was it.  I went back a couple months later to a diff Dr. and again I was put on antibiotics. Didn't get better so I went back, she picked the scab and gave me antibiotics.  So you would think the infection would be gone.
This last Friday we decided to go to Dr. again.  But since my treatment before was so predictable we went to the E.R. instead of Dr. office. They actually took x-rays and decided to refer I take a bone scan the next day. The bone may be infected. Ok, so I just went with the flow, and then my Dr. herself called me and said my bone was indeed infected and she scheduled an appt. for a specialist, the next day at 9:30 A.M.  Holy cow, like why would she call me herself! Why would she make the appt so fast. 
So today we got up early and took off to Springfield to see specialist. I got there, went straight back and the Dr. came in three times before the nurse was done getting info.  So he came in and didn't look at the x-rays or bone scan, he read the results off bones scan which said it was infected. (We already knew this) So he said surgery was in fact necessary.  It needed to be done as soon as we could set it up. However, he himself is gonna be gone for a couple weeks, so someone else may have to do the surgery. Idk!
The surgery;  They have to go inside and shave the bad or infected  bone until they reach the hard "good" bone. If they have to take too much bone off then the whole toe may have to be removed.  Then I will be in hospital for 5-6 days under pretty strong IV antibiotics.  Then when I get home I'll have to have IV antibiotics through home health  2 times a day for 6-8 weeks. 
It will be interesting to find out what happens. Im not sure when this is gonna take place yet.  But I know it will be soon. I'll update you in my next blog when I know whats going on.  Im worried the Dr. will be fast to take the toe because I "don't use" them. Its more than just a toe to me. Its almost summer, cant go barefoot or wear sandals any more.
Keep looking out for next blog....